theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
