There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize