Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
