i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize