Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
