I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
