I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
