i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
