Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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