I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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