he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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