you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
