I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
as a side note pls kill me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
