i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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