u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Send help, water and tortillas.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
