I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize