I wish I could teleport
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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