I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
