I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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