dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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