it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
