i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
