So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
