If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
