I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize