you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
