Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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