she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
