My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
