We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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