I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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