i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
