tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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