I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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