someone threw a dead crab at me
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
