I just saw a hot homeless man
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
