He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
