One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
