I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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