I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
