So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
