Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
