im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this boner is exhausting
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
