It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
