I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize