i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
