You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
someone get that fucking seahorse.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
