To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
