You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
