dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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