So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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