i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Green mimosas i think yes
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
