Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
