you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
