haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize