i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize