homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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