I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
