Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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