FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
