There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
