I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
