im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
