JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
