he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there was a trapeze. enough said
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
