...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
