fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
