How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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