Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
