And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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