i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
