he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
